Cucumber Mask
by moodygal
Summary: Nao, Akiyama and those damn eyebags


Disclaimer: I do not own Liar Game. damn you cruel fate

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A phenomenon stranger than meatballs falling from the sky was definitely "The dozing Akiyama".

With a sludgy white paste smeared across his entire face and two slices of cucumber laid on his tired eyes, behold! A Kodak moment fit for blackmail. Luckily, the only one present in the apartment was Nao, ultimately the one responsible for Akiyama's cucumber mask.

Speaking of, the awkward couple had finally taken a leap in their relationship. Akiyama had casually suggested moving in together and Nao had given her nod of approval without an ounce of hesitation. However, living together was more complicated than they imagined.

First of all, the move itself had been haphazard pile of garments, books and dangerously shaky chandelier that Nao begged Akiyama to buy. Even after the eighteenth scare from that delicate chandelier, their problems never seemed to cease. The mattress would not fit through the bedroom door and the movers had misplaced a box of Nao's nightclothes so she was stuck with her boyfriend's old tee.

Second, the two spent so much time together that they began to notice each other's quirks and caprices. For example, Akiyama categorizes everything he owns from battery sizes to the flavour of his instant noodles, which are in perfect alphabetical order by the way. Nao, on the other hand, would sneakily set her alarm clock every Thursday night to 3 in the morning just to watch Days of our Lives reruns. Inevitably, a few petty fights arose.

Third, the couple soon realized that cohabitation sparked the genesis of relationship fossilization. Dates to the local planetarium or sushi restaurant were replaced with early afternoon naps and home-cooked dinners. They were slowly morphing into a couple of old fogies who sip chamomile by the fireplace. Not that the house had a fireplace but the notion most certainly dawned on both their minds, and it was wearing them out…fast.

The last straw came when Nao overheard some ravenous gossipers on her way to the laundromat. Usually she wouldn't give a hoot about the scandals and stories but she clearly heard her name. Talk about laying out the dirty laundry.

"So have you noticed?"

"You're right! He does looks like a corpse! All bony and pale. And those eyebags! She must have sucked the life out of him."

"I can't imagine how she can have so much energy in that tiny body. She looks like such a decent girl too, who knew she would be so experienced. Its always the quiet ones I suppose."

"Quiet! Please! The first week she moved in, they were so noisy. Violent too. I was so afraid my little Shunichi would hear their lewd sounds of lovemaking. So I thought I'd pay her a visit yesterday to complain about the loud humping but Christ, she was wearing that Akiyama-san's top!"

"They did it in the morning too! Youngsters nowadays…makes my knees go weak."

Nao had heard enough. She ran all the way home and demanded that Akiyama use her concealer from now on.

Swiping the stick of concealer from her, he questioned her odd behaviour. So Nao told him every last detail.

The misconstrued eyebags, which were part of Akiyama's DNA.

The loud banging, which was thanks to the shaking chandelier and other repairs.

The boyfriend tee, which was not her fault since her nightclothes were gone.

"Heh, so they think you're a nymphomaniac and I'm your victim."

She saw the joy dancing in his eyes and wanted to make his nose menstruate. "It's not funny! How will I ever face the world! Unless…you get rid of those eyebags..."

"That the most rid-" Her tear-stricken cheeks and pouty lip made him stop in mid-sentence and persuaded his heart, body, soul and genitals to go along with her crazy scheme. "Alright, do what you want but I won't wear makeup."

And that was how said boyfriend was sleeping and said girlfriend was smearing a bizarre white concoction on his face.

It was only after an excruciating half an hour that the mask now clinging fiercely on Akiyama's face was peeled off. The pain was enough to wake the undead not to mention living that had eyebags like the undead.

"You look so fresh and energetic and untouched. Now, I want you to go into town and show those neighbours that I haven't been ravishing you."

-A week later-

Nao and Akiyama were on their way to get some groceries when Nao spotted two middle-aged housewives by the park bench. She was going there to greet the two until she realized they were gossiping about Akiyama and herself. Again…

"My husband isn't performing as well as he use to. I wish Akiyama-san would teach him a trick or two," the brunette laughed. The blonde joined in the playful musings, talking about how "powerful" Akiyama was.

By that time, Nao was turning into a dangerous shade of scarlet and began to wonder if the cucumber mask worked too well and now people thought that he was rejuvenated by his incredible sexlife. Akiyama just smirked.

"He makes her scream so loud."

Akiyama gave her a small nudge. "So you're the one keeping them up."

"It can't be…but I thought…they...you…am I really loud?"

"You have no idea huh?"

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Author's Note

Inspiration hit me when someone on mangafox forum that Akiyama look like L from deathnote and I was like OH YEAH! Another nao/akiyama one-shot! This time a little more smuttylicious than the previous 2 to reward loyal liar game fans.

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